Chapter 54

“Naked! You want me to face an evil god NAKED!”

“It’s the best way to use the vanishing oil, and you’ll have the shield. We’ll coat that with the oil as well,” Agatha said in a far too reasonable tone.

“But I’ll be naked!”

“Modesty isn’t really an issue when you’re invisible.”

Naomi shook her head. She’d always thought horny, old, puritanical men made up all that sky-clad stuff about witches, but Agatha was calmly suggesting she go fight a god in her birthday suit. She didn’t know whether to laugh or run away. She could laugh hysterically while running away.

Naomi turned to Yula who’d been silent after Agatha explained the best way to use the oil. “What do you think about this?”

“Your plan is to slay a god. What does it matter if you face him naked or in armor? He’ll destroy you.”

“Yeah, but being destroyed in armor is more dignified isn’t it? Can’t I wear armor?”

Mr. Squibbles tsked from Agatha’s shoulder. “You humans sure are funny about your clothes.”

“How about we shave you and see how funny you are,” Naomi said. The mouse’s ears lowered, and he ducked underneath Agatha’s hair.

“Naomi, this is the best way. Fabric absorbs too much of the oil. We would have to use all of it just to coat your blouse.”

Naomi slouched in her chair. “Can I at least have some privacy to put this stuff on?”

The witch nodded. “Take it up to the loft.”

Naomi went up to the loft alone. Once she was undressed, she looked down at herself. She’d never been an exhibitionist. In fact, she was rather body shy. She’d never worn a midriff or short shorts. She wouldn’t even go out in public without a bra on. Now, she was expected to go out stark naked for a showdown with a god. Her mouth quirked. Yula was right. Instead of freaking over the god part, she was spazzing over the nudity. She shook her head at her own illogic. She uncorked the jug and carefully poured some into her hand.

As soon as the oil was in her hand, her hand disappeared. Panic lock-jawed her. For a moment, she thought she couldn’t feel her hand. Agatha had told her it might be best to close her eyes while applying the oil. She understood why now. Looking like an amputee made one very uneasy. Willing herself to calm down, she closed her eyes and moved her hand to her stomach to start applying the oil. The oil felt gritty like there was sand suspended in it. She spread it across her skin, hyper sensitive to her own touch. Blindly, she poured more oil into her hand to apply it to the rest of her body. Once she was done, she looked down at herself and instantly felt the panic begin to set in again. She couldn’t see her body. She patted her stomach, took a few steps around the room, and wiggled her toes to assure herself that her body was still there. A clump of hair slipped over her invisible shoulder. It was the only part of her still visible. Agatha had said she would give her a cap to put on to conceal her hair rather than pour a copious amount of oil over it.

She went back downstairs feeling very exposed and weirded out. She couldn’t see herself but that didn’t stop her irrational fear that others could. When Yula looked at her and her jaw dropped, Naomi wanted to run back upstairs and put all her clothes back on.

Agatha came up to her and held out her hand. “Here’s the cap,” she said. It looked like she held nothing. Naomi reached out and felt for the cap. She took it from the witch and tucked her hair up into it under Agatha’s supervision. Yula watched her with saucer eyes. Agatha turned away and picked up something very heavy. At least, Naomi assumed it was heavy since she couldn’t see the object. “Here’s the shield.” Naomi quickly stepped over and took the heavy object and felt the familiar shape of the shield. She slipped her arm into the brace. “And the unicorn horn,” Agatha said holding out her hand again. Naomi took the horn with her other hand.

“Your eyes are still visible,” Yula stammered. Naomi turned to the old maid and blinked at her. Yula cringed a little under her gaze. Naomi turned back to Agatha.

“Close your eyes.” Naomi did as instructed. “Good, they disappear when you do that, but they will be visible when your eyes are open. It can’t be helped. The oil would hurt them if we applied it. The soles of your feet will likely be visible too since the oil rubs off easily. Remember that. Try not to brush up against stuff.”

“You’ll also still be detectable to animals. They can smell and hear you just as easily when you’re invisible as visible,” Mr. Squibbles added.

“Thanks, but if that’s all true, how do we know this will trick Errilol?”

“It won’t much. You’ll need to use stealth for it to work. Creep up on him.”

“Creep up on a god. That sounds easy.”

Yula let out a hysterical giggle. Naomi turned to her. Her invisibility seemed to be freaking out Yula more than Naomi. “When you speak, I can see the inside of your mouth.” Naomi couldn’t help flashing an evil smile at her. Yula shook her head. “This isn’t right, Naomi. There has to be another way.”

Naomi felt a twinge of guilt for causing her distress. “I’m sorry, Yula, but this is our only option.”

“Do you even know where to find the god?” Yula demanded.

She nodded and sighed when she’d realized what she had done. “There’s a temple that he resides in.”

“I thought all of Errilol’s temples were destroyed.”

“This one’s secret.”

“You’ll use the horn to get there?” Mr. Squibbles asked.

“Yes.”

“What, you’ll just teleport directly into his inner sanctum, run him through with the horn, and be done?” Yula asked.

Naomi sighed. “Unfortunately, no. Like I said, the unicorns can’t enter the house of a god, therefore they can’t just show it to me so I could teleport there. I’ll teleport to the entrance, sneak in, find the god’s sanctum, kill him, and then call it a day.”

“There will be guards,” Mr. Squibbles said.

Agatha giggled. It wasn’t a nice giggle. Naomi got a sinking feeling. “I can slip right by the guards. It won’t be a problem.”

“That’s right because we’ll distract them.”

“You aren’t coming along,” Naomi said. She was determined on this. She was not going to put her friends in jeopardy again.

“You need our help,” Agatha said.

Naomi closed her eyes. She angled the horn to stab herself in the thigh.

“Oh no, you don’t, young lady.” Naomi stumbled as Yula hurled herself at her location and slammed into her. Naomi’s aim slipped. The horn glanced off her thigh without puncturing, but the graze was painful.

“OW! I’m doing this on my own! You two don’t need to be involved!”

Yula held onto the arm holding the horn. Naomi tried to shove her off, but Yula merely grunted and held on tighter.

“Naomi, how badly do you want to save Tavik?” Agatha asked.

She stopped her struggling to blink at the witch. “I’m standing here naked on my way to kill a god. I’d say I want it pretty damn badly.”

“Don’t you think we want to help Tavik too?” grumbled Yula.

Naomi looked at the scrunched up face of her friend. Her face softened. She knew they cared about Tavik too, even Agatha in her own strange way, but she didn’t want them to put themselves in danger.

“I can’t ask you to do this,” she said.

“That’s fine, you don’t have to. We’re going to help either way,” Agatha told her.

Naomi sighed, releasing her ill ease. “What do you have planned?”

Agatha’s face twisted into a sinister smile. “You’ll see.” Naomi’s ill ease slammed back into her.

Naomi crouched behind a bush outside the entrance to Errilol’s temple and waited with Mr. Squibbles for Agatha and Yula to begin the distraction. The witch had refused to tell her what she planned, and she didn’t have anything to bribe Mr. Squibbles with to get the information out of him.

Two guards stood at the entrance. They had tattoos like Tavik’s on their foreheads. Naomi wondered if Agatha had a tattoo removing spell. She felt sure Tavik would want to get rid of his once this was over. If he didn’t, she’d demand it as an anniversary gift.

The guards were large, muscular men in full chain mail with large, muscular swords hanging from their belts. Naomi wondered how Agatha would distract them. They looked more unflappable than the guards at Buckingham Palace.

“Yoohoo, could you help us, please?” The guards’ heads swiveled to the source of the voice as well as Naomi’s, but unlike them, her jaw dropped. Standing on the edge of the forest was a woman to make men drool, chest heaving in a straining bodice, hair floating down to her waist, eyes that caught the sunlight and sparkled, and legs that went all the way up to her neck. She was Pamela Anderson in a renfest dress. The Playboy Barbie clasped her hands and batted her eyelashes. “I am ever so sorry to disturb two important men like yourselves, but you see my wagon has lost a wheel, and I’m afraid my sister and I can’t manage to fix it.”

“Your sister?” one of the guards asked.

The talking Barbie looked around, and her brow scrunched in irritation. She reached behind her and jerked another woman up beside her. If breast size was any indicator, they were related. The other sister hid behind the first, though by the way she was dressed, one wouldn’t think she would want to hide. Flaunt seemed to be what her wardrobe was about. “Yula, tell these nice men we need their help.”

Naomi’s brain popped with the name drop. “P-Please sirs, help us,” she stuttered. Her voice was so low that they could barely hear her. The guards moved closer to hear her. Naomi saw her chance and slipped behind the guards and through the entrance into the temple. She paused for a moment to let her eyes adjust to the darkness. A passage way stretched out straight before her with hallways bisecting in. At the end of the passage was Errilol, she was sure of it. She hugged the horn and magic shield tight as she crept forward.

Torches burned low and revealed more shadows than objects. Naomi had no idea what she would find at the end of the passage. She ducked to the side twice when she heard the low rumble of male voices headed in her direction. When she finally reached the end of the passage, two huge doors and two equally large guards blocked her way. Naomi looked down at the mouse.

“My turn,” he whispered. She moved closer to the guards staying as deep in shadow as she could. She closed her eyes to slits to make herself more invisible. She almost opened them wide when Mr. Squibbles opened his mouth. As loud as he could, he shouted, “Errilol is so dumb that if he spoke his mind, he’d be speechless!” The guards’ jumped at the sudden insult.

“Errilol is so stupid, he wouldn’t know up from down even if you gave him three guesses!” The guards drew their swords as they looked around for the owner of the voice taunting them.

“Errilol is so dumb, he’d try to drown a fish and throw a bird off a cliff.” The guards stepped from the doors to search for the voice in earnest.

“Ha, and his followers are just as stupid. You have to open your pants to count to eleven.” The guards were getting madder with each insult. They poked the shadows with their swords looking for the voice. Mr. Squibbles scurried back down the passage to lead them away. “You all are so stupid, you tell everyone that you’re ‘illegitimate’ because you can’t read.” The guards began slashing the shadows hoping to hit the voice. Mr. Squibbles kept leading them further away. Naomi crept along the wall to the doors. “You guys are so stupid, you need twice as much sense to be a half-wit.” The guards disappeared around a corner following the mouse. Naomi took a deep breath and prayed the doors were well oiled. She had a feeling that the guards would notice a loud creak no matter how badly Mr. Squibbles insulted them. She pushed on the door. It didn’t make a sound. She pushed it wide enough to slip inside and then closed it. She stood pressed to the door for a few seconds listening for an outcry from the guards, but she didn’t hear any. She barely heard Mr. Squibbles’ taunts anymore. He’d moved on to the size of the guards’ members.

“Who’s there?” asked a raspy voice. Naomi whirled around and stared into the chamber. The room was circular with more of the sputtering torches, only these burned green. At the center of the room was a large sarcophagus. She couldn’t see the source of the voice. “Answer me!” demanded the voice. She suddenly had a touch of sympathy for the guards. Being spoken to by disembodied voices was not nice. She clutched the horn as she crept further into the room. Nothing moved or changed. The only thing of note was the sarcophagus. The voice began to chuckle. “Naomi, I am impressed. I didn’t think you’d make it this far at all.” She stiffened at the god’s identification of her. She wondered if Errilol could tell it was her by the beating of her heart because it was pounding loudly in her ears. The torches flared and lit the room brightly giving everything a sick green hue.

“It was very clever to get a draught of water from Rhylim to Tavik, but you probably didn’t think of that. The unicorns are meddling, and after I made it very clear that I would not hold with any of their interference. Why don’t you come out, Naomi, and show yourself. I’m sure we could work something out.” Naomi ignored the offer. She had to find Errilol and stab him. The unicorns said he would be in an earthly vessel. The only likely spot for this early vessel was the sarcophagus. She dashed to it. It didn’t have a lid. She peered over the edge and found a mummified body lying inside. This was it she knew. She leaned over and raised the horn. She was going to stab him in the heart. A crumbling hand shot out and grabbed her invisible arm. The eyes in the shriveled head popped open, and green light burned inside them.

“I see you,” Errilol chuckled. Naomi wrenched her arm back, but the shriveled corpse came with her. Errilol continued to chuckle. “I see a lot of you. Have you come to offer yourself to me?”

Continue to Chapter 55.